Guest Post - Daddy

So, our house is officially scary. I’m afraid of the dark. When I need to wake up in the middle of the night for my midnight snack, or go to the bathroom, or check the TV for a MNF (Monday Night Football) score, I tremble in fear. Here are a few reasons:




Abby’s Magic Wand

Playschool Bus

Singing Elmo

Any of the assorted pianos that are lying around the house

Anything else that Rei has that makes noise and scares the living hell out of you when you’re stumbling through the house in a twilight fog



I can’t tell you how many times I have jumped out of my skin because someone (Reilly) left their toy in the middle of the hallway/living room/kitchen/bathroom, and I stepped on it and it started yelling at me in the dead of night, or singing a song, or Beethoven decided to play his Midnight Sonata (ironic, huh?). No, Mr. Bus Driver, no one wants to ride your stupid bus at 1 a.m. (P.S. Reilly loves that bus, and thanks Mom and Dad for getting it for her. It’s a great toy, just not when I’m sleep walking). And no, Abby, no one wants to use your magic wand. All I want to do is pee, and then go back to bed, without getting serenaded by a concerto or a fugue.



Remember those movies that you see where there is a father who walks through the house and trips over toys/steps on roller skates/takes the curtains down with him? That is no exaggeration. If anything, it’s worse because they aren’t allowed to curse in those movies.



I love you to death, Elmo, but for the love of God, leave me alone in the middle of the night.