Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Daddy Post #3

Yes, for those of you who are keeping track, this is my third guest post in the long tenure of the Dirt Road Mama franchise.  I needed to break my silence for something that is quite important to me, and probably pretty important to most people out there.

That's right, super glue.

Now, super glue has played an important role in everyone's lives at a certain point, whether they remember it or not.  A broken coffee mug, a fractured Christmas ornament, or even a toy from when you were a kid that was meant for display purposes, but you decided that it would be best suited for taking headers off of the balcony of your parent's room.

The problem is that the only thing that super glue is good for is tearing the first three layers of your skin off when the glue sticks to everything EXCEPT what it is supposed to.  How can it take three-and-a-half-days to slightly bond a piece of ceramic back to a coffee cup, but three-and-a-half-nano-seconds to permanently bond your pointer finger to your thumb?  And why does it turn white?

Okay, I'll admit that the super glue really isn't what is bothering me.  It's Prince Eric.  Reilly was playing with all of her 'princesses', and Prince Eric came with one of her (yes, she has multiple) Ariel dolls.  She hyper-extended his right arm, and it snapped at the elbow.  I was then struck with a moral decision:  TO FIX OR NOT TO FIX.  Why would I EVER consider not fixing such an important piece of Reilly's daily routine?

Because I'm jealous, that's why.

There, I said it.  I always thought that I was the man of the house, being that I have a wife and two girls, but that is obviously not the case.  For those of you who are familiar with The Little Mermaid, Prince Eric and Ariel are married.  I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but just the other day I saw my oldest daughter perform his marriage to Cinderella.  This jerk gets to hang around with Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, Sleeping Beauty, Ariel, Ariel, Snow White, and Rapunzel every day of his life.  As if three Ariel dolls are not enough, he gets to hang out with Ariel Barbie, and Ariel Sing-In-The-Tub doll.

But yes, I fixed this playboy's hand, glued my fingers together, and didn't regain feeling in my left thumb and index finger for three days.  Partly because of the missing skin, but also because the glue bonds to ITSELF when it hits your skin, so part of my hand was coated in a thin layer, making it feel as if it were partially subjected to too much novocaine.

I took the high road by fixing his arm.  But no one is perfect.  Don't be surprised if you see a post in the very near future that involves a missing Eric and a warrant by Reilly for Daddy's arrest.


  1. Hahahhaah Brett you are too funny!!!!
    - melissa

  2. Well Done Daddy....dont be jealous of Prince Eric though....you know you are the apple of your girls' eyes!!!