Thursday, August 26, 2010

Just a Simple Trip to the Dentist

I remember it was last winter, I was pregnant, and I was at the dentist. I was scheduling my next appointment, and excitedly talking with the dental hygienist (who kindly pretended to care) about how next time, I would have a BABY with me! I pictured my little 3 month old sitting quietly in her seat in the corner of the room, as I got my teeth cleaned. Peace and glory.

Then the dental hygienist rudely interrupted my dreams by suggesting that maybe I made the appointment on the same day as my Hubby, so it would be easier. Sure, I thought. Why not? Family trip to the dentist!

Fast forward 5 minutes, and here we are, at the dentist. With our baby. In her brand new pink hoodie and sweats and headband that made her look like she should be in a mirrored room dancing to "She's a Maniac". Which I may or may not have acted out in the bathroom mirror as we got ready. Moving on...

Preface: This is the first day in Reilly's 13 weeks of life that we left the house without her "clean clothes" pouch, which has a change of clothes for every kind of weather. I just forgot it, and thought, "Oh well, what are the chance we'll actually need a change of clothes." Yeah.

We go to the dentist. Baby is angelic in waiting room. Mama goes first, since baby is not hungry at the present moment. Mama gets cleaned and x-rayed. Mama goes back out to waiting room. Daddy says he just changed Baby, she may be getting hungry, and goes in for cleaning. Mama feeds baby. Nurse comes out, Mama needs to go in and get checked by Doctor. Mama and Baby head into room. Nurses coo over baby.

Daddy comes into room, and goes back out to waiting room with still-angelic baby. Mama gets her teeth checked. Mama goes leisurely back out to waiting room, to make next appointments. Approximately 7 nurses say as they pass me, one of the following statements:

"I think your baby is crying."
"Your husband is in the bathroom with your baby."
"Is that your baby that's crying?"
"Excuse me, your baby is crying in the waiting room."

Yes, thank you. I heard, thank you. Oh, thank you, time to eat again! Yes, her dad's got it, thank you. (Walking, walking, walking.)

Arrive at desk...which is next to waiting room...which has bathroom right off of it. In which everyone can hear a crying baby.
Sit down at desk to make next appointment. Woman says, "Are you the one with the baby? She's crying." [Points to the bathroom less than 5 feet away from where we are.]

Yes. I am aware of the crying. However contrary to popular belief in this office, she has 2 parents and is currently being taken care of by one of them. So thank you, but I think she's going to survive.

Mama continues to make appointment quickly, since baby is hungry, presumably. Runs into bathroom to check dates with Hubby. And then I saw it.

The scene that would not even be believed had we been in a "Dad Take Baby to the Dentist" movie. I see my diaper bag torn open in the floor, wipes EVERYWHERE, her onesie and sweatpants strewn about, a dirty diaper open in the floor, her changing mat covered in poop, poop on the floor, an out-of-breath Super Dad, and a baby in his arms in a diaper and her pink hoodie unzipped, who looked at me all shocked as I opened the bathroom door. I could barely keep myself from laughing. Luckily, Hubby was in the same state. We had to laugh at the chaos. I had forgotten why I needed Hubby to begin with. My Hubby said only one thing to me. "Could you zip her hoodie?"

I could only think of one question at the time..."Where are the pants?"

Apparently everything except her hoodie was covered in poop. Swell. So I grabbed baby, Hubby grabbed my water bottle, my bag, her seat, and her various other belongings, and I headed out the door. With little wide-eyed baby in a hoodie and diaper.

The woman at the desk seemed to think I could come over and have a nice little chat about my next appointment. Um...should I just mail you the bill? Yes, yes that would be a good idea.

"Honey, we have so many errands to run! We can't run errands with a pants-less baby!" I said.

But we did. I fed baby, buckled baby, covered her in my zebra-printed breast feeding shawl so she still looked chic, and ran our errands. Luckily, she then fell asleep and no one could tell that she was half naked, it appeared that she was wearing zebra pants. Awesome. Luckily, we're glass-half-full kind of people, so we headed to Dunkin and forged on. And we came home and actually reflected on our outing as being quite successful.

It's amazing how hilariously eventful life becomes.

Love & Dirty Diapers,

Dirt Road Mama


  1. You just made Pete almost pee his pants when I was reading this to him :)... Kerrinne

  2. Ha! That's interesting. I thought I was the ONLY dad in the world who experienced what your husband had experienced. I could not stop laughing as I picture your story. My wife and I regularly visit our dentist in Greenville with our little tot. And there had been a lot of hilarious moments. I think the funniest would be everytime we get all panicky when our baby cries. Everyone in the room would look at us (awkward), even the other Greenville SC dentists there in the clinic. Anyway, I still think it's nice to have a trip to the dentist with my family.