Friday, June 4, 2010

What Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman

I know a lot of pregnant people. Well, women mostly. I was just saying to my friend the other day, one day I think I'm the only pregnant person of all my friends. Next thing I know, I pop out a baby, and I suddenly have all of these wonderful women around me who are mamas, or soon-to-be mamas. It makes me so happy to have both single girls in my life, and girls who are also in a similar stage of life as me. You learn so much being pregnant and being a mama, and it's so nice to have women to share that with in your life.

So in conclusion, I know a lot of pregnant ladies. And believe it or not, I was pregnant once.

I know. Shocking. I chose not to share that part of my life with you all. But it's true. I just had a baby. And before that, I was pregnant for 9 months.

So glad I got that off my chest.

Anyway, at 2:15 this morning, while feeding said little baby, I was rocking and thinking. And for some reason, I started thinking about some not-so-intelligent things that people said to me when I was pregnant. And I thought I'd share some of them. Please never say these things to pregnant people. You'll see why.

Keep in mind - ALL of these things were said to me while I was pregnant. At least one time.

Person A: How are you feeling??
Pregnant lady: I'm just so tired, I've been sleeping all the time lately.
Person A: Well, enjoy it now, you'll NEVER sleep again once the baby comes!

Really? How do you expect me to respond to that? "Oh, thank you so much for you positive outlook on life and motherhood!" Even though a lot of sleep is not a luxury that mama's enjoy in the beginning, never say this to a pregnant woman. The poor thing is exhausted and growing a child. She doesn't need such a daunting view in her mind of her future.

What you could say is: "Oh, get all the sleep you can! It's so good for your body and the baby. And once the baby comes, make sure you sleep during the day when the baby naps, not just at night. That way you can stay caught up. "

Or, just say "Oh you poor thing. Let me buy you an ice cream."

[See, I'm here to help!]

Person B: How far along are you?? I can't even tell you're pregnant!

You may think this is a compliment. To me, it was not. I was pregnant. I was nauseous. I was tired and bloated. All I wanted was my perfect little baby bump to show. When it did, I was so thrilled. And then someone comes along and tells me, when I'm 6 months pregnant, that they can't even tell. Great.

Again, how to respond? "Well, I am I swear. I already gained 30 pounds and vomited 3 times today." I'm just kidding pregnant ladies, don't say that, they'll starts making comments about your hormones and really throw you over the edge.

What you could say is: "Wow, 6 months! You look great! Look at that adorable little bump!

Or: "Wow, 6 months! Let me go buy you an ice cream."

Person C: When are you due?
Pregnant Lady: In 3 weeks, but the doctor said I could go any day now!
Person C: Oh, well, it's your first baby. You'll probably go late. Everyone I know when like a week late with their first.

This is just not nice. Even if this is true for "most people", it's not true for all. I had this exact interaction with many many people, and everyone kept telling me I wouldn't go early. I had a feeling I would. Baby was born 2 weeks early. Mama just knows, I'm telling you!

Besides the fact that it's most likely incorrect, the other reason it's not nice is because you are telling a giant, hot, achy woman that you think her pain will last much longer. Whyyyy, I ask you??

What you could say is: "Wow! Any day - that's so exciting!"

Or: "Wow! Any day! Let me buy you an ice cream to celebrate!

Now what have we learned today.
1. Always buy ice creams for pregnant ladies. They will love it.
2. When in doubt, keep your opinions to yourself. Stick with "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
3. Believe it or not, pregnant woman don't usually want unsolicited advice. Shocking, I know. But it's true.
4. If a pregnant lady is unhappy, don't blame it on hormones. That will make her more upset. Maybe, she is just unhappy.

You are welcome, pregnant girls. I hope this brings you a little less stress in your nine months. Or at least makes you chuckle. :)

Love and little growing fetuses,

Dirt Road Mama

1 comment:

  1. THANK YOU so much for What Not to Say #2!! Most people I tell don't get this. They think they are doing me a favor by telling me I don't look pregnant.

    Um, no.

    Instead my first thought is, "What I just look fat?" Because I KNOW my belly has grown and if I don't "look pregnant" then I either just look fat or you think I've always looked like this. Neither of these is a good thing!