Sunday, January 16, 2011

A Story About Fed-Ex

First, a picture of Reilly and Daddy to make you smile, before my story frustrates you. They are reading books. And Reilly is sucking on a cold washcloth, with Sophie never too far away. Girlfriend's in heaven!

I am sharing with you, a story about Fed-Ex. A saga, really. But I'm shortening it to a story for your sake. Here it is in a shortened version.

Briefly stated, Fed-Ex can't find my house. Ever. Since we have lived here, we get packaged from UPS, USPS, never Fed-Ex. I called several times. Several. And I would say things like, "This is the EIGHTH TIME I HAVE CALLED ABOUT THIS ISSUE." And, "Trust me, if I could stop using your company I would, BUT I CAN'T. I can't tell Amazon how to ship their packages, so I am stuck with you." I was not a happy camper after my tenth package got delivered to the wrong house.

And that's not even the worst part. The worst part is, the delivery person knew that he had the wrong house, and did it anyway. He would leave the package, with a note that said "Please give to Kaitlin." Really?? I'm pretty sure I paid shipping and handling for you to, oh, I don't know, SHIP AND HANDLE. To my house. And then I would call, and they'd say, "Well we have here in the computer that it was delivered to the location." And I would respond, "Well I am the location and I do not have my package! I am telling you it is not at the location, it is at a different house!"

Now, I know I live on a dirt road. And I am a mama on that dirt road. But it's not my job to teach delivery people how to find my house. No excuses, play like a champion.

Anyway, after this went on for months, I finally, somehow, got through to someone over at that company. And literally had to describe what my house looks like. And then, finally, one day, a Fed-Ex truck pulled up to my house.

Oh, but not before he called. He called and said, "Oh hi, I have a package. I just wanted to make sure you'd be home, because I don't feel like driving all the way to your house and have you not be there." Huh. You are a delivery person. I paid shipping. And you don't feel like driving. That's nice.

When the delivery man came to the door, I said, "Oh hi, are you the normal delivery person?"
[Because that's the line I would always get from Fed-Ex central office - "Oh, it must be a substitute and he doesn't know where you are."]

And he said, "Yep, 15 years, always me!" And I said, "OH, Good! So, this is my house! I'm so glad you found us! Now you knew where we live! (Stated Address Here!) This is us!" I said this in really friendly, bubbly tones, so as to make some kind of impact, so he would remember where he delivered. I kept stating our name and address over and over.

And then he said, "Well, it would really make it easier if you marked your house with your address." The NERVE! Like it's my fault that he has never delivered to me house.

To which I replied, "Well, actually, it is, right there. I painted the sign myself. See it? Right there? My address??" To which he said, "Oh." and left soon after. I totally won the friendly-not-so-friendly stand-off.

I tell you this, because the other day, I got a phone call from the Fed-Ex delivery man. Is this normal? I never get calls from UPS. It's just all so odd.
He was calling to find out the condition of our road, if there was a lot of snow. He said this:
"Oh hi, I have a package that needs to be signed for. I was wondering if your road is plowed well, if you think I'll be able to get in and out. Or else, if it's not, if someone could meet me at the end of the road."

No, sir. No. I will not, in fact, meet you at the end of my road in the bitter cold with my baby. You are paid to deliver. Please do so. Even, yes, if it's cold, and if it snowed 4 days ago.

But I didn't say this. I had an even better response. It could not have been more perfect.

I said, "Well, I haven't been on the road recently, so I wouldn't know. But I did get a package from UPS yesterday, and he managed to get here okay, so I'm sure you'll be fine." And I really had gotten a package from UPS the DAY before!! No phone call, just a delivery, like a normal delivery person. UPS - I love you. I think I'll bake him cookies.

And do you know what Fed-Ex man replied??

"Oh okay, fine. Which house is yours again?"

I kid you not. And thus ends the Fed-Ex saga, for now. We will continue to be passive aggressive, apparently, because he evidently hates his job. I think I'll have him take lessons from my UPS man. Delivery with a smile, I tell ya. It's how it should be.

Fed-Ex representatives? Are you reading? Do you want to send me something free, due to my struggles with your company and my disgruntled delivery man? Like a coffee mug? Maybe a pen? Actually, never mind, you don't know where I live. Tell you what, bring it to the end of my road, and I'll go pick it up from you.

Now do you see how ridiculous you sound?

Love & Online Shopping,

Dirt Road Mama

p.s. I will be posting a happy-go-lucky-babyface post later today. Because I don't like being complainy, man. It just don't feel right. This saga just became to ca-ray-zee not to share with ya''ll!


  1. lol...yeah they call me all the time to ask me if our road is safe to drive on and if I'll be home lol...I've had to give them directions several times to our's horrible! I feel your pain though and it is unacceptable!

  2. Well this is just craziness "I totally won the friendly-not-so-friendly stand-off" haha Go kate! but on a lighter note...I love reillys big pink bow!! :)